


can't help thinking that i love you still

by skyepoots



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 14:12:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11533890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyepoots/pseuds/skyepoots
Summary: Amy Santiago realizes that the world has turned upside down in a school hallway, at 7:25 a.m. on a Monday morning.-or, the "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" au, in which a mistake snowballs and Amy realizes that fake dating Jake is the only option she has.





	can't help thinking that i love you still

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic in months, and my first ever B99 fic, and also my first fic to be over 2k words. I think this calls for a celebration!
> 
> Anyways, the title is from the song "Hopeless" by Halsey. 
> 
> This fic is loosely based on the novel "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" by Jenny Han. (Loosely, as in the only things that got copied were the love letters and the fake dating).
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

Amy Santiago realizes that the world has turned upside down in a school hallway, at 7:25 a.m. on a Monday morning. She’s twenty minutes early, and most of her fellow students haven’t even woken up yet, but that’s normal.

The weirdness starts when Gina Linetti is the first person Amy sees when she enters the hallway.

It gets even weirder when Gina is actually the first person to talk to Amy.

“Gina. What are you doing actually awake before school starts?” Amy asks. She doesn’t know whether to be impressed or deeply concerned.

“Hey, I woke up early for this. I’m asking the questions here.” Gina says. Amy rolls her eyes, mentally preparing herself for the fireball that’s about to be hurled at her. She hopes it’ll be something tame like _1950 called, Amy. It wants its hair back_ instead of _I’m going as a boring person for Halloween this year. Can I borrow some of your clothes?_.

It ends up not being an insult at all, and that might just be the weirdest thing yet.

“Why did you send that letter to Jake?” Gina asks.

“Which letter? Amy fires back.

“Come on Amy, not even someone as lame as you writes more than one letter.”

“I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“ _The letter where you told Jake you liked him_.” Gina whispers, as if there are spies all around and she’s exchanging classified information.

For a moment, Amy really wishes that there are spies all around so that one could kill her right then and here.

* * *

 

Amy Santiago had written three love letters in her entire lifetime.

Jake Peralta was the subject of the first one.

She didn’t even know how the feelings began in the first place. First, he was tugging on her pigtails in preschool, and then he was stealing her crayons in second grade, and then they were playing softball together in the fifth grade, and then, in the blink of an eye, came middle school.

“...and Jenny Gildenhorn is gonna be there. She won’t get her braces off for another three weeks, but I won’t complain about the metal mouth feeling because I’m a gentleman.” Jake said, rambling on and on about how the party was going to be great because he and Jenny Gildenhorn were gonna dance, and she was gonna kiss him. He and Amy had paired up for their science project, and though the textbook was open, Jake was more focused on his Bar Mitzvah than biology.

“How do you know she won’t run away, screaming?” Amy asked with more edge in her voice than usual.

“She’s been passing me notes during history for weeks, Santiago. Something’s gonna happen.”

“I just don’t get what you see in her. She constantly mixes up ‘your’ and ‘you’re’!”

“You wouldn’t understand. You’ve never been in love.” Jake said. Before long, he was talking about how Roger Peralta said that he might come, and Amy had stopped paying attention to anything other than the word “love”.

She wasn’t sure she could call it love. It was more like vague liking tinged with mild annoyance. But it was something, and that something stirred in her chest every time Jake mispronounced the name of an organ just to mess with her.

That something evilly hoped Jenny Gildenhorn’s braces would ruin Jake’s perfect Bar Mitzvah kiss.

That something really needed to die.

That night, when Amy arrived home from school, she took out some of her fancy stationery and began writing.

* * *

 

“Mr. Peralta, please try to arrive on time in the future,” Amy’s homeroom teacher, Mr. Holt, says as Jake walks into the room. Though most homeroom periods are used for homework, Amy always finishes her assignments over the weekend, and spends Monday homerooms trying to read a book and getting distracted by Jake.

Amy buries her head in her copy of _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ as Jake walks past Holt’s desk and towards his own desk, which is unfortunately right next to Amy’s.

“Haven’t you already read that book like, thirty times?” Jake asks.

“Uh, yeah.” Amy says. Normally, she would talk about how she had already read all of the works assigned for her AP English class, and how this was just for fun, but there was a mentally prepared speech about how she had written the letter more than four years ago and that it really meant nothing caught in her throat.

“Is that the one where Harry’s friend accidentally gets love potioned?”

“His name is _Ron_ , and no, that happens in the _Half-Blood Prince_ ," Amy says. "How do you even know that? You don’t read, and I’ve never seen you watch a movie that wasn’t _Die Hard_.”

“I guess I picked a couple of things up over the years,” Jake says. “Which reminds me, I have something that might be yours.” He reaches into his backpack, pulls out a crumpled letter, and shows it to Amy. Amy recognizes her own handwriting.

“I can explain!” Amy says a little bit too loudly. Some of her fellow classmates glance in her direction, while Mr. Holt is still grading papers.

“You’ve been desperately in love with me since middle school, so much that you’ve sent a letter from four years ago in a last-ditch effort to win my _— Ow!_ Amy! Please don’t punch the guy you’re hopelessly in love with."

“I would never punch someone I’m hopeless in love with. You, on the other hand...”

“Come on Amy, can’t I be a little bit happy that one of my best friends in the world was hopelessly in love with me?”

“First off, I’m not in love with you. Secondly, I don’t even know how that got sent out. How did you even get it?”

“I found it shoved in the bottom of the mailbox last night. It was probably delivered on Friday, and I just didn’t know about it.”

“Why didn’t you text or call me about it?”

“I kind of wanted to see your Santiago Anxiety Face when you tried to explain it to me.”

“What’s that supposed to be?”

“The exact face you’re making right now.” Jake pulls out his phone to take a picture in order to show Amy, but she pushes his arm away before he can.

“This is exactly why I wrote the letter. To avoid this. It was never actually going to be sent, but I wanted to stop liking you, and that was the only way I knew how.”

“Well, when you put it that way, I’m a little offended.”

* * *

 

The third letter Amy ever wrote was for Teddy Wells. The two had met at Math Camp the summer before freshman year. Teddy was smart, and nice, and much more like Amy than any other boy she’d ever liked before. It was love at first sight.

The only problem was that Teddy lived two hours away, and Amy could never dream of starting a long-distance relationship with a guy she had only known for a few weeks.

So, the day before she was supposed to to leave Math Camp, Amy sat down and wrote a letter. By the time Teddy came around, she had stopped calling them love letters and started calling them breakup letters.

Amy let go, one perfectly formed letter at a time. After a letter was finished and sealed in a stamped envelope, Amy placed them in her old music box in the attic, never to be seen again. Never to be loved again.

But Teddy transferred into Amy’s school in the middle of their freshman year of high school. It was fate. It was love.

In the end, it was neither.

Amy broke up with Teddy during October of her sophomore year. She’d fallen out of love with him.

As she left him standing in an ice cream parlor, she’d wondered if her letters could have delayed effects.

* * *

 

Teddy stops Amy on her way to the cafeteria for lunch.

“Teddy! What’s up… man?”. Amy smiles brightly, trying to seem cool and unbothered.

“I wanted to talk about the letter you sent me,” Teddy says, holding up an envelope. It’s the very opposite of the crumpled mess that Jake had shown her, and then quickly hid away, telling her sometime near the end of homeroom that he wanted to frame it. Amy takes the envelope from Teddy.

“Oh, that. It’s nothing, really. I wrote it so long ago, and it doesn’t even really mean anything.”

“Really? Because according to the letter, apparently I mean a lot to you.”

“But that was then. This is now. There is no real point in talking about it, because I’m over you, and you’re over me.”

“What if I’m not?” Teddy asks. Amy opens her mouth but no sound comes out. She just stands there, frozen, listening. “Look, Amy, I know that you broke up with me, but I still think that this can work _—_ ”

“I’m dating Jake!” Amy blurts out in an effort to get Teddy to stop talking. “Jake and me, we’re dating. Totally kissing, and stuff.”

“Thank you for telling me. I’ll leave you alone.” Teddy says. He steps out of her way and walks in the opposite direction. Amy walks toward the cafeteria and doesn’t look back.

* * *

 

The first time Amy ever proposed to Jake, she was six and using a Ring Pop as an engagement ring.

“Why do you want me to marry you?” Jake asked.

“Because you’re my friend. And adults get married.”

“Why do you wanna be an adult?”

“Adults get to do fun stuff. They buy all the candy they want and stay up as late as eleven to read books!”

“Is that a blue raspberry ring pop?”

“You like it, right?”

“Yes! I’ll marry you!”

Jake took the ring pop and began licking it. Before long, they had told all of their friends that they were getting married. Rosa was Amy’s bridesmaid, while Gina made her a veil out of an old t-shirt. Charles officiated the wedding.

That night, Amy didn’t finish her book, and Jake didn’t buy all the candy he wanted. But Amy stayed up anyway, smiling and thinking about how funny Jake looked when his blue lips said “I do”.

* * *

 

The first person Amy sees when she enters the cafeteria is Charles.

“Jake told me everything, but I need to hear it from you. What happened? Are you still in love with him? Are you two in love with each other?”

“I need to talk to Jake,” Amy says. She makes a beeline for Jake’s table, with Charles following quickly behind.

“Come on Charles, I told you not to get weird about it.” Jake says.

“It’s not my fault you two are like an old married couple.”

“We were kids, Charles!” Jake exclaims.

“That still means something!”

“It means that I have grown up and realized that I’m way out of Amy’s league. Sadly, Amy’s terrible, and immature, and she hasn’t yet realized that nothing will never happen between us.” Amy tries to contain a smile. She has to be serious for what she says next.

“Actually, I was kind of hoping that something could happen.” Amy says meekly. Jake has to put his hand over Charles’ mouth to prevent him from screaming.

“But this morning you told me that you’re not interested, and nothing was going to happen.”

“That’s true. I’m not interested in you at all.”

“ _I’m not interested in you at all_. Title of your sex tape!” Amy rolls her eyes at Jake’s joke.. “But then why ask me if something could happen?”

“I may have told Teddy that we were dating.”

“Why would you do that?”

“He was talking to me about the letter, and he was trying to ask me out, and I panicked!”

“You wrote him a letter, too? Him? The most boring man in the world? Are you cheating on me, Amy Santiago? How low are your standards?”

“Shut up, it was years ago. Besides, Teddy has probably already told all of his friends, and there is no way I can tell him that I was lying without sounding like a total jerk. Could you please just do this for me, as your friend?”

“Come on Jake, do it for Amy.” Charles says as he removes Jake’s hand from his mouth.

“We don’t even have to do it for that long. Just long enough for Teddy to back off and feel like he shouldn’t come onto me right after we break up.”

“Fine,” Jake says. He sighs. “I’ll do it. But I have one rule.”

“One rule? We’re going to need at least ten.”

“But this one is the most important. Amy Santiago, you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

“Won’t be a problem.”

* * *

 

 **Jake and Amy’s Dating Contract** (authored by Amy Santiago, with input from Jake Peralta).

  1. All judgements over rule-breaking will be presided over by Rosa Diaz, Gina Linetti, and/or Charles Boyle, depending on who is in the vicinity. The accused party, if found guilty of rule breaking, will be forced to buy the other person a meal.
  2. Jake and Amy, henceforth referred to as J and A, must remember their cover story at all times. J and A are to have hung out the Friday night at J’s house, marathoning the Die Hard movies when they fell asleep on each other. After waking up Saturday morning, J and A realized they enjoyed being in the compromising position and ended up kissing each other. They have been dating since.
  3. A and J must walk to class together whenever possible.
  4. J must at least read the Wikipedia descriptions of every Harry Potter book, because A would never date someone who didn’t like Harry Potter.
  5. A must say that William Atherton is the second best Die Hard villain.
  6. A and J must only initiate physical contact when absolutely necessary.
  7. A and J must always be honest about how they feel about the contract with each other.
  8. A must accompany J to at least one party during the dating period.
  9. J must drive A to school.
  10. A and J must go to the homecoming dance together, if they last that long.
  11. A and J must actually dance at the homecoming dance together, if they last that long.
  12. A and J must not complain every time Charles says something about their relationship.
  13. A must not fall in love with J.
  14. J must not fall in love with A.



* * *

 

“So I’m away at college for one week, and all of a sudden you’re dating Jake Peralta?” Amy’s brother Rafael says on the other line. “Why didn’t you do any of this interesting stuff when I was still around?”

“Hey, I’m cool. I’m totally cool.”

“Tell that to Teddy.”

“Teddy was a mistake. I can admit that. Besides, Jake and I aren’t even really dating. We’re just doing it so that Teddy will back off.”

“Now if only you can get Charles to back off.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. He’s become so much more annoying about it ever since he read the letter.”

“Have you figured out how they got sent out?”

“I still have no idea. I thought they were safe in the music box in the attic, but I guess not.”

“Wait, the old music box? The pink one with the ballerina that doesn’t spin anymore?”

“That’s the one.”

“I know what happened to the letters!”

“What?” Amy practically yells into her phone. “What did you do?”

“Nothing. Dad was just helping me pack up my stuff and he wanted to move some of my old stuff into the attic. When we got there, we found your music box, and since you hadn’t touched it in years, we thought you’d forgotten about it and it would be okay to give to Goodwill.They must have sent out the letters when they found them!”

“I’m going to kill you when you come home for Thanksgiving.”

“Love you too, kid.”

* * *

 Somehow, surpassing all expectations, Jake was the first of the friend group to get his own car during their sophomore year of high school. Somehow, he had convinced Amy to be his first passenger. Charles was on a date with Vivian, Rosa and Gina were on a date with each other, and neither Jake and Amy had anything better to do.

The first thing Amy noticed was that one of the windows doesn’t go up and down properly.

The second thing she noticed was the vague smell of beer and death.

“This car’s a piece of junk, Jake.”

“Don’t insult this car. I put several months’ allowance and all of my birthday money into this her.”

“Didn’t you tell me this car was supposed to be a babe magnet?”

“Yes. Pretty soon. Enjoy this ride now, Santiago, or because pretty soon you’re gonna be at the back of a very, very long line.”

* * *

 

Amy doesn't have to take the bus, because the next morning, Jake drives her to school.

“God, you’re the worst girlfriend I’ve ever had. You know how I hate waking up early.” Jake says as he pulls into the school parking lot and parks his car.

“It’s not realistic for a boyfriend to just let his girlfriend take the bus to school. Besides, you agreed to this. You signed the contract.”

“That was before I read it.” Jake says as he and Amy exit the car and shut the doors behind them.

“That’s on you, not me.” Amy says. As the two couple walk into the school, Amy grabs Jake’s hand and laces her fingers through his. She feels fireworks rush through her nerves.

“Wow, your hand is weirdly cold.” Jake says.

“Shut up, your hand is the weird one.”

“Come on Amy, we’re supposed to be in love, and you’re insulting my hands.” Amy opens her mouth to say something insulting, but out of the corner of her eye, she sees Teddy walking down the hall, towards her. Teddy would never believe that Amy and Jake were a real couple if he saw them arguing about hand-holding, of all things. So, instead, she lets go of Jake’s hand, and moves so that she’s facing him instead of right next to him. Then, she takes her cold hands and cups Jake’s annoying face, and suddenly they’re kissing.

At first, it's supposed to be short and sweet. At first, it is. At first, Jake’s lips are frozen in place, but then they begin moving, and Amy forgets why she’s kissing him in the first place. Her eyes close, and for a moment she imagines that this is real and they are real. But then Jake pulls away, and Amy feels her heart drop into the floor.

She opens her eyes, and Teddy is gone. Instead, Jake is staring at her, and she can’t tell if his expression is soft and romantic or sad and pitying.

“Sorry about that. I should have asked you. You know I’m all about the consent.” Amy says as she drops her hands to her sides.

“No, it’s fine. It was cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool.”

“Yeah, there’s no reason this has to be weird.”

“Except we’re in the middle of a hallway, probably blocking a bunch of freshmen from getting to their classes.”

“We should probably get to homeroom. I have to get ahead on my art project for Mr. Jefford’s class, and Mr. Holt will be so shocked to see you’re on time.”

* * *

 

Raymond Holt is a stoic man, to say the least. He often spends his homeroom period trying to calm down the more annoying students, and hoping for the bell to ring so that first period can start and he can be a _teacher_ instead of a _babysitter_.

As disdainful of the homeroom period as he may be, Raymond Holt has taken a liking toward Amy Santiago.

On the first day of school, she came up to him and introduced herself. Every morning since, she’d come in early and make light conversation, before the bell rings and she either begins doing homework or gets engrossed in a conversation about nothing in particular with Jake Peralta, who always comes through the door just after the tardy bell.

This morning however, Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta come in hand in hand early, already deep in conversation by the time they take their seats.

Raymond isn’t sure whether he should be insulted that Amy ignored him in favor of Jake, or if he’s impressed that Amy managed to get Jake to show up early.

Instead, he just writes a big, fat “F” on Keith Pembroke’s paper.

* * *

 

“I don’t buy it,” Rosa Diaz says as she sits down at the lunch table that day. “There is no way you two can pretend to date. Your heads would explode.”

“Your head would explode over how well we’d handle it.” Amy says defensively.

“Who asked you, Rosa?” Jake asks.

“You did, when you asked me, Gina, and Charles to officiate your stupid rulebook.”

“I stand by my rulebook idea,” Amy says. “It prevents any miscommunication, and it helps make sure both of us are completely comfortable with everything that happens.”

“It’s that kind of lame rules stuff that makes it so unbelievable,” Rosa says.

“Rosa’s right,” Gina says, as she sits down right next to her girlfriend. “Relationships need spontaneity. They need vivacity.”

“All I’ve seen you two do is hold hands like five-year-olds.”

“Hey, we kissed this morning.” Jake says.

“That’s nothing. Tell me when you’ve touched each others butts.”

“What’s this about butts? Are Jake and Amy touching each other’s butts?” Charles asks as he arrives at the table. The smell that creeps out of Charles’ open tupperware container reminds Amy and the rest of the group exactly why they don’t all sit together for lunch very often.

They were all the best of friends during middle and elementary school, but things changed once they got to high school. Amy spent almost every lunch period studying for her SATs in the library because the cafeteria was too loud. Of course, Amy ended up getting a perfect SAT score on her first try, but there were always more assignments to do, and more loud people in the cafeteria than she could handle. Gina got popular and got with Rosa. They spent lunches either making out in empty classrooms or bouncing around the cafeteria, talking to Gina’s many friends. Jake and Charles were still practically inseparable, but that didn’t stop Jake from making an excuse to leave every time Charles brought in something overtly disgusting. During the month that Charles dated Vivian their sophomore year, the rest of the group spent a whole three weeks avoiding the two at lunchtime.

“Like I would ever touch Amy’s weird butt,” Jake said as he slammed his spork into the cafeteria lasagna.

“Your butt’s the weird one.”

* * *

 

**Charles, Rosa, and Gina’s Bet Contract.**

TERMS:

_Rosa bets twenty dollars that Amy will be the one to ruin things._

_Gina bets twenty dollars that Jake will be the one to ruin things._

_Rosa bets twenty dollars that Jake and Amy will last for less than a week.  
_

_Gina bets twenty dollars that Jake and Amy will last until homecoming._

_Charles bets forty dollars that Jake and Amy will fall in love._

RULES:

  1. No one can tell Jake and Amy about the bet.
  2. No one can interfere with Jake and Amy’s “relationship”.
  3. If, on the chance that none of these terms come to pass (i.e. Jake and Amy make it past the homecoming dance and mutually agree to end things, but still don’t fall in love), no one owes anyone money.



* * *

 

“Can you please drive me to my debate team match on Friday?” Amy asks as she enters Jake’s car.

“Can’t you get a ride from one of your parents or your brothers?” Jake asks as he starts the car and begins driving out of the school parking lot.

“My parents are both working late and in need of their cars on Friday. All of my brothers are either out of the state or not able to drive.”

“Fine, but you have to come to a party with me on Saturday.” Amy groans.

“Why?”

“You wrote it in the contract, which I actually read.” Amy curses both her organized nature and her insistence that Jake reads what he signs.

“I hate parties. Everyone’s always drunk, or rude, or both. And I don’t know all the dance moves. Or the songs.”

“No one is going to believe that we’re in love if we don’t go out together. I know Teddy will be there.”

“Teddy? Since when does he go to parties?”

“Ever since you broke up with him and called him the most boring man in the world.”

“Don’t worry, the party is going to be great. According to Gina, it’s super one-hundred emoji.”

* * *

 

The second letter Amy ever wrote was addressed to Dave Majors, her eighth grade crush. After she had gotten over Jake, Dave had moved into town. Every girl thought he was cute, and Amy was no exception. Every time she was near him, she tucked her hair behind both ears. It happened so often that Rosa had taken to calling in the double tuck.

When he announced that his family decided to send him to a local private school, Amy was heartbroken. Sure, he wasn't across the country, but they were never really friends. She and Dave would never just hang out outside of school. She would say goodbye on the last day of eighth grade, and he would say goodbye on the last day of eighth grade, and she would always be left with a "what if".

Amy didn't like the idea of a "what if". She’d heard of writing (and not sending) letters to get closure, so that’s what she did.

Before long, she had almost forgotten Dave Majors.

Almost.

* * *

 

Debate team matches don’t start for a couple of hours after school ends, so Amy has time to go home, change into her uniform, and begin that weekend’s homework. She had told Jake to be at her house by 5 p.m., but he doesn’t arrive until 5:20.

She is halfway through her “you better not make me late for a very important match” speech when she realizes that Jake is leaning against his car, holding a big poster that says “Go Santiago!” in sparkly gold paint.

“...did you raid your mom’s art supplies to make that?” Amy asks.

“Of course.” Jake answers.

“That stuff is meant for elementary schoolers, and you know that the arts are getting defunded in public schools.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me a thousand times. But my mom basically pushed the glitter paint on me when I told her that I was making a poster for you.”

“That’s so sweet. Thank you.”

“Now come on. You’ve got a match to get to, and I’ve got a girlfriend to embarrass at said match.”

As Jake drives Amy to George Washington High School, he sings along to a playlist solely consisting of Taylor Swift sings. It is moment like these that Amy is really glad she color-coded her pre-match review flashcards. If she didn’t, she’d definitely forget her system, and the only thing she’d remember would be “you belong with me”.

The first person Amy sees on the opposing team is Dave Majors. She’d debated against him and his team before, and they’d had some light conversation before one or two matches, but she’d never talked to him right after sending a love confession letter.

“Where should I sit so I can embarrass you the most?” Jake asks as Amy locks eyes with Dave Majors. Amy doesn’t answer. Instead, she panics. Well, technically, she grabs Jake’s face and begins kissing him.

It’s different than the one in the school hallway. Sure, it's still meant to be short and sweet, but this time, Jake begins reciprocating immediately. Amy can feel his hands moving towards her waist when she hears an “a-hem” from one of her team members, and she remembers that they are at a school event. Amy pulls away and release her hands from Jake’s face.

“Nice job,” she says, not knowing what else to say.

“I’m gonna go find a seat,” Jake says, changing the conversation. As Jake takes a seat in one of the back rows, Amy tries to find Dave Majors in the crowd.

When she spots him, he is looking away and talking to someone from his own school.

Amy and her team end up winning the day.

As Jake drives her home, Amy thinks that she might have won in more ways than one.

* * *

  **Sophia Perez's ASB President To-Do List  
**

  1. ~~Try not to kill spirit commissioner Keith Pembroke during next meeting.~~
  2. ~~Try not to gouge eyes out during meeting.~~
  3. ~~Come up with a theme for homecoming. _Night in Monte Carlo? Under the Sea? Candy Land?_~~
  4. ~~Negotiate with football team over homecoming date. _Do we really have to push homecoming all the way up to September, breaking all the homecoming tradition rules, just so the football team can win their homecoming game for once?_~~
  5. Finalize budget for homecoming. _Note to self: do not let Secretary Gina Linetti anywhere near the money._
  6. Get drunk at Boone's party. _Because you deserve it._



* * *

"I hate this. Can we go home?" Amy says. She had been holding Jake's hand since they left the car, but now that they're inside a house that contains a party that contains people, Amy squeezes Jake's hand even tighter.

" _I hate this, can we go home_. Title of your sex tape. Also, can you let go of my hand? I'm gonna lose circulation, and I'm not going to let your death grip destroy me and Charles' chance of winning beer pong this time."

"I highly doubt that you could win, even with two functioning hands."

"Wanna bet on it?"

It's a bet that Amy wins three times over. As she watches Jake drink cup after cup, Amy can't help but wonder how his throwing skill could have deteriorated so much between the fifth grade and now. It gets to the point where Amy begins recording Jake's terrible throws for blackmail reasons.

Jake is more than a little bit tipsy when he finally quits the game. Amy is instantly regretful of making that bet and tempting fate as she pulls him away from the action and to a slightly deserted corner of the house. Even if she did take his keys and drive herself home, he'd still be left to his own devices. She couldn't just simply invite a boy into her home. And if she drove them both to his house, she'd probably end up sleeping there because she didn't bring anything but her phone and keys to the party in fear of her wallet getting stolen, and now doesn't have enough money to call for a ride, and there is no way that either of her parents would wake up in the middle of their night to drive their daughter home in the middle of the night.

So, the only option is to wait it out, sitting against a wall, in a guest bedroom that looks like it hasn't been touched since 1985.

* * *

As drunk as he is, there is still a long list of things that Jake Peralta is sober enough to know.

One. He really does not want to stop playing beer pong. But Amy's voice is loud and clear and logical, and he is driving her home and he should probably just sit down and sober up.

Two. He hasn't seen Gina and Rosa in twenty minutes, which means they're either making out in a bathroom or killing a man together.

Three. Amy has a really nice laugh. It sounds even better when she's laughing at him.

Four. Amy's hair smells really nice.

Five. Somewhere along the way, he started making lists.

Six. Somehow, Amy probably made him start making lists.

Seven. Amy Santiago definitely ruined Jake Peralta with all her lists.

Eight. Amy Santiago could never truly ruin anything, because she is good and kind and amazing and Jake Peralta likes her way more than he should.

 

* * *

"Amy, are we in a bedroom?" Jake asks in a moment of clarity.

"Yeah, this is the only place that's even remotely quiet around here," Amy says as she scrolls through her phone, looking at homecoming dresses online.

"Amy. We're in a bedroom. At a party. And everyone thinks we're dating. How long have we been in here?"

" _Oh my god._ "

"Come on Amy. I thought you'd be smarter that this."

"This is not the time, Jake. We need to get out of here, now. Are you sober enough to drive?"

"I think so," Jake says, holding up his keys.

"Let's go." Amy and Jake both stand up and rush for the door. Somehow, in a stroke of luck or fate or simply the universe trying to punish Amy, Sophia Perez is on the other side of the door, and Amy is pretty sure she can see Teddy in her peripheral vision.

"Guess this isn't the bathroom," Sophia says, her words slurred and her head tilted to the side. "You two have fun in there?"

"Yes, tons of fun. We did a lot of fun stuff. Strangers' rooms are a really nice place to-"

"Boink." Amy says, and she really wishes she had more than a couple of sips of beer, because she would really like to fall back on the "I'm drunk" excuse now.

* * *

Jake and Sophia fell apart much less gracefully that Amy and Teddy did. The two couples dated at around the same time, though Amy and Teddy broke up before Jake and Sophia got serious.

Or at least, Jake told Amy that he wanted to get serious. It seemed serious for a while. But then, Sophia told Jake that she didn't want to be serious. One thing led to another, and somehow, Amy, Charles, and Rosa ended up having to check on Jake every Saturday and Sunday for a month to make sure he just didn't spend the entire weekend sleeping.

A tiny part of Amy, one Amy had forgotten existed, whispered that Amy would never break up like that one day during Jake's dark period.

Amy distracted that little part with flashcards and color-coded notes whenever possible.

* * *

 

They are on the freeway by the time Jake even bothers to address the incident.

"So, boink?" Jake asks.

"I panicked. She was your ex, and I saw Teddy, and my mouth just moved." Amy says. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of her."

"It's fine. We dated a long time ago, and I'm over it. I don't care what she thinks anymore."

"A year is not that long time."

"It is in high school, Amy. One high school year is like one hundred standard years!"

"You're exaggerating."

"You just don't believe me because you have no social life."

"I do have a social life. _I have a boyfriend_."

"Yeah, a fake one." _I wish you were real_ , Amy thinks.

"It's statements like those that make me want to break up with you," Amy fires back at Jake, trying to burn the desperate voice inside of her.

"Then do it. There's a whole line of hot girls just waiting to be my fake girlfriend. And a few hot guys too, because Jakey doesn't care about gender."

Amy laughs so hard at the thought of a crowd of people wanting to date Jake Peralta that she snorts. Jake then laughs at her snort.

Amy realizes that she loves Jake's laugh, and she loves him, and then she stops laughing.

* * *

_11:36 P.M. Read._

**CHARLES** : jake i know you're driving home right now but when you can text safely i need your help

 **CHARLES** : i just met this girl named genevieve and she goes to another school and i think i'm in love and she gave me her number and i'm gonna ask her out

 **CHARLES** : jake gina told me that half of the party saw you leave a room with amy???? did you finally tell her how you feel???? what did she say?????

 **CHARLES** : jake pls

* * *

Amy can feel a million eyes piercing into her soul during her second period AP Calculus class on Monday. By now, Gina has told Charles, and Charles has told everyone who wasn't there that Jake and Amy left a room together.

In her soul, Amy knows that all the teen movies are wrong, and that there is no way her whole calculus class cares about her sex life, but she still can't concentrate. It feels like there are a thousand bugs crawling up and down her body, biting at her skin.

It gets even worse when she sees Teddy actually staring at her. Perfect students as they are, Amy and Teddy both sit at the front of the class, albeit on opposite sides of the room in order to avoid awkward exes conversation. Amy sits by the windows, while Teddy sits on the side with the door and the wall clock.

Every time Amy checks the clock, she sees Teddy glance at her for a split second before looking away.

It's this pattern that makes her realize that she and Jake should probably break up.

* * *

Lunchtime Bulletin, to be read aloud by Vice Principal Wuntch.

  * The Field Hockey team is doing a fundraiser at Sal's Pizza on Friday. Go there, and tell the workers you're here to support the Lady Falcons in order to support the team!
  * The GSA meets in Mr. Holt's classroom, room 232, Tuesdays at lunch.
  * Volunteers are needed to build the homecoming float! Sign up today by Mr. Jefford's room.
  * Homecoming is on September 23. Get your tickets today at the financial office. Prices start at $30 and increase as homecoming gets closer.



* * *

 

"We need to talk," Amy says to Jake as she sits down at their table. Jake is eating some sort of mysterious cafeteria soup, while Charles is texting his new girlfriend.

"What about, girlfriend?" Jake asks.

"We need to break up." Amy answers. Charles practically slams his phone down on the table.

"You can't break up! You're America's dream couple."

"We're not a couple." Amy says, and for the first time she's really glad that the cafeteria is obscenely loud, because then no one can hear the truth, and she can't hear her own heart break at the words she's saying.

"Come on, Jake! Tell her what you told me!"

"I agree with Amy. I think it's good that we break up."

"Yeah. The letter stuff has died down now. Teddy's obviously not going to pull anything now after what happened at the party."

"What about homecoming?" Charles asks.

"I probably won't find a date, so I'll just stay home. I'm sure Jake has something he actually wants to go with," Amy says. "I heard Bernice really likes him."

"Besides, there's no reason to drag out a lie. It's served its purpose," Jake says. "Hey, I can sleep in again."

"And I don't have to go to parties anymore."

"You went to one party, Amy."

"And I'm never going to one again," Amy says. "This is so much better for the both of us. Right, Jake?"

"Yeah, it's cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool. No doubt no doubt no doubt."

* * *

Jake and Amy Bet Group Chat. 12:15 p.m.

 **CHARLES** : is it a mutual separation if they both agree to it, but ur pretty sure both of them are lying?

 **ROSA** : oh my god. i cant believe they actually ended it

 **GINA** : who wins the bet?

 **ROSA** : i bet that they wouldnt last a week.

 **ROSA** : if they technically started on tuesday, and it's monday today, then i'm right.

 **GINA** : but TECHNICALLY they agreed to start dating on a monday. so its been a week.

 **ROSA** : so no one wins?

 **ROSA** : lame.

* * *

For the first time, Amy doesn't begin her homework the moment she gets home.

Instead, she takes out some of her nice stationery and one of her father's nice fountain pens, and she begins writing.

It's not a real love letter. Love letters are for when you want to be in love.

It's not a breakup letter. Breakup letters are for people you actually date.

It's something in between.

It starts with "Dear Jake Peralta".

It ends with "Love, Amy Santiago".

Somewhere in the middle, there's a paragraph that solely composes of "I don't want to love you anymore", written over and over again.

On the back, it says "P.S. I still love you. I don't think I've ever stopped".

Amy Santiago crumples up the nice paper and throws it in the trash can.

* * *

Jake Peralta realizes that he should feel normal, because everything is normal. He let Amy take the bus home today, and in the coming days, he doesn't have to wake up early to drive her to school anymore. He doesn't have to drive her to any debate club matches, and he doesn't have to kiss her in front of Teddy and Dave Majors, and he definitely doesn't have to hold her hand.

He misses holding her hand.

He misses it so much that all notions of homework are out of his head by the time he gets home and is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Amy's letter is still on his nightstand. He still hasn't gotten around to framing it.

A paperback copy of _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ is in his backpack; he can hear Amy's voice in his bed, telling him "If you aren't going to do your homework, you might as well read". Of course, if Amy was truly here, she'd ask him why he has the book in the first place.

And he would reply that he wanted to be a better fake boyfriend, and what way to be a better boyfriend that to actually read the books? And then Amy would have smiled, and then he would have been lost.

He's still lost now, just in a different way.

Charles calls him before he can start thinking about the adorable way Amy curls her y's.

"Why didn't you tell Amy how you feel?" Charles asks the moment Jake picks up the phone.

"Wow, not even a hello?" Jake says dryly.

"Come on, Jake."

"I can't just spring my feelings on her. That's not right. Besides, what if she thinks I'm just doing it because I feel sorry for her about the letters getting out? I can't ruin everything over that."

"But what if she likes you back? She didn't write that letter for no reason."

"It's from middle school, Charles. That's like, ten thousand years ago. Twenty thousand, even."

"Jake. Come on."

"But what would I even say? 'Hey Amy, I've had a crush on you for years but I'm only telling you now, years after you stopped having a crush on me because we kissed twice and that made me feel things'?"

"Or, you could just ask her to homecoming."

"Well, I was going to as her fake boyfriend. I know we'd only been dating for a week, but I thought it was going to go on longer.  was thinking I get her a tiger and a children's choir can sing her my ask, but that plan is kinda of problematic because I don't have any money."

* * *

"Okay, what's wrong? McGinley is playing a movie, and you're not taking notes like you usually do." Rosa asks Amy on Thursday during their history class.

"Be quiet, Rosa. We're supposed to be watching the movie." Amy turns back toward the screen at the front of the room, where a documentary about the Civil War was playing.

"Who cares? McGinley doesn't give a crap, and we're the only two people that aren't asleep."

"It's still wrong."

"I don't care. Besides, you still haven't answered my question."

"Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. I'm fine."

"Really? Because Charles tells me that you haven't come to the table since Monday."

"I have an essay due tomorrow in English, and I heard a rumor that we might have a pop quiz in AP Chem tomorrow. Fridays are always big school days."

"You finished that essay the day it was assigned, and you've already studied two months ahead for chem."

"Extra studying never hurts, Rosa."

"It just seems like you're avoiding Jake after the breakup."

"I am totally not avoiding Jake. _Maybe you're avoiding Jake._ "

"Amy. Seriously."

"I just thought that if we 'broke up', then everything would go back to normal, and I could get to stop pretending that we're in love, and I could stop lying to myself, and I thought I could stop liking him. But things aren't back to normal. I even wrote Jake another letter."

"Here's an idea. Stop writing letters. Ask him out."

"But what if he says no, and it ruins everything?"

"Could it really get any worse than this?"

* * *

Despite a post-it note clearly stating "THIS IS TERRY'S YOGURT" placed on top of the yogurt cup, which was deliberately pushed to the pack of the refrigerator in the teacher's lounge, Terry Jefford's yogurt is still gone by the time he gets to the lounge. Terry slams the refrigerator door closed, alarming teachers Hitchcock and Scully, who had been eating their lunch in peace.

It's the anger over the yogurt that makes Terry's "Of course. Terry loves love" seem a little aggressive when he agrees to let two of his students, Charles Boyle and Jake Peralta, use his classroom and at supplies to work on a homecoming proposal. The two young men spend their lunch and Terry's post-lunch prep period (Charles has a free period too, and Jake gets a pass from his history teacher, Mr. McGinley, to skip class) drawing on, painting on, gluing down, and hole-punching various pieces of pastel-colored cardstock.

Terry tries to concentrate on creating the next week's lesson plan, but every so often, his ears pick up some of the conversations.

"I would have gone to my mom and asked to use some of her stuff, but she'd make such a big deal out of it, and I'd never get this done by tomorrow," Jake says at one point. Jake Peralta, always the slacker, Terry thinks.

"Should I use the sparkly gold paint, or should I just do the yellow paint and add glue on sparkles afterwards?" Jake asks at another point.

"Should I write 'I'd _Die Hard_ for you" or "You're my golden snitch" at the end?" Jake asks later on. Terry tries to hold in a laugh.

Jake and Charles are finished by the time sixth period starts. As they clean up, Terry walks over and looks at what they've created.

At first, it doesn't look like much. It's not the typical poster that Terry has seen his students use for their asks. It's not a poster at all. It looks like a standard three-ring binder.

At first, Terry thinks that Jake Peralta is totally going to get rejected.

Then, he opens the binder, and he sees floral dividers separating pages into sections named "Elementary School", "Middle School", and "High School". And then, he sees that Jake has used permanent marker to write something on the first page in the binder.

"To Amy Santiago. You're better than _Die Hard_."

And that is when Terry realizes that Jake Peralta is a secret romantic.

* * *

When Amy Santiago arrives in Mr. Holt's classroom fifteen minutes before the first bell rings on a Friday morning, she sees a binder left on her desk.

"Mr. Holt, I think one of your other students left this here," Amy says as she sits down.

"Actually, Mr. Peralta brought that in this morning for you," Mr. Holt says. Amy looks around the room for Jake. Knowing him, he would be hiding poorly under one of the desks, trying to scare her before rubbing it in her face that he's there before she is. Nowhere to be found.

Amy opens the binder, and the first thing she sees is "To Amy Santiago. You're better than _Die Hard_."

And then there are the dividers, floral dividers she'd seen in a catalog a few months ago, but she'd never gotten around to buying.

And then there are the pages. Some are collages of childhood memories (like the one that's filled with pictures Karen Peralta took of Jake and Amy playing cacti for their second grade play). Others are really terrible drawings of events that happened, but didn't get caught on camera (like the Amy's face after the party incident).

But the most important pages at the last three.

Third to last, it's Amy's initial love letter, except Jake has drawn pink hearts around the margins.

Second to last, it's a love letter of Jake's own writing. It's messy and Amy can barely read it, but Amy can make out a "Love, Jake" at the bottom.

Finally, it's a painting of a sparkly yellow circle. Amy is not sure what it's supposed to be until she reads the writing around it.

"I'm SEEK-ing you as my homecoming date. I hope you won't quid-DITCH me when I need you."

Amy laughs out loud, and then she hears Mr. Holt say "ca-caw", and then there's a squee from someone outside of the room who sounds a lot like Charles.

And then Jake comes bouncing in, practically yelling "AMY SANTIAGO, WILL YOU GO TO HOMECOMING WITH ME?"

* * *

Charles wins the bet.

* * *

Jake and Amy's Real Relationship Contract

  1. J and A will never cheat on each other.
  2. J and A will always tell each other the truth.
  3. J and A will always talk to each other, even when it gets hard.
  4. J and A will always be friends, even if romance doesn't work.



 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!!
> 
> feel free to find me on tumblr: [jcnesloan](http://jcnesloan.tumblr.com)


End file.
